


Full South

by moosetashioedmonocle



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/F, F/M, general south nonsense, going around the galaxy being a badass, inspired by a tumblr post, ruining a relationship by having sex with parties involved, south being south
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 23:06:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6349306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosetashioedmonocle/pseuds/moosetashioedmonocle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No one parties "Full South". She once broke a couple up at a bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home."</p><p> </p><p>Inspired by this tumblr post: http://tvckingtons.tumblr.com/post/83091751734/rvb-texts-from-last-night-part-vi</p>
            </blockquote>





	Full South

Agent South Dakota knew by this point that the Director was putting her on shitty planets for what little shore leave she ever got on purpose. The guy practically hated every fiber of her being, and there was no fixing that. There was no fixing where she got to go on the one day of vacation she earned, unless she wanted to waste it travelling. So here she was, at this shitty bar in the middle of nowhere.

This one bar, where this one couple is having a spat.

South has enough of their arguing two shots in, and decides to settle it so she can get back to her drinking alone time. She settles in by using her amazing strength to yank the couple apart, scoots a stool in-between them, and settles her round, beautiful ass in it.

“Few more shots, please.” She tells the bartender. The couple looks between each other and her, but neither have the death wish required to complain to the stern resting bitch face that South has spent years developing. She gulps down the shots with practiced ease. She spins around in her stool, leaning back against the bar and glancing back and forth between the couple.

“Alright.” She says, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Tell me about it.”

Three years, three fucking years, these two have been together. But now this guy, Dmitri, is spending all his time with his friends. The girl, Shaina, moved out here four months ago to live with him, and still doesn’t have much for social connections around these parts, and is mad at him for not being around as much, or at least including her in on what he gets up to. Dmitri claims he’s tried, and that she said she didn’t like his friends. Shaina says that isn’t true. South has had enough.

“Enough.” She says in a calm, controlled voice. “I get what’s going on, I don’t need any more, I’m not a goddamn therapist.” She gestures to the bartender, who gets her another round of shots. South has always loved shots, especially the ones that taste horrible. Something about a somewhat-pleasant warm feeling after a bitter first impression really resonates with her.

South knows she is abrasive, and that it usually puts people off. However, she knows that sometimes all one needs is something blunt, whether it be something she says or something she hits them with. She talks with them more. Not about their problems, not about what’s on their minds, just them. She gets to know them, as they slowly open up to her. She’s still blunt, she knows they know she won’t even bother trying to remember all the little things forever, but that’s not what they are concerned with. Really, they just like her. They are both angry at their current partner and eager to get them mad, and what better way to do that than with the vixen who’s trying to save their relationship?

“Fuck, back in a sec, gotta piss.” South grumbles, the shots and drinks she’s been having finally catching up to her. She saunters off to the bathroom, fly unzipping before she even walks through the door. As she washes her hands, the door opens, and Shaina walks in. South gives her a quick half smile before drying her hands on her pants.

“I’m breaking up with him.” She tells South, but it’s the way she says it. As if it is some sort of pickup line. South doesn’t know how this lady wants her to respond, so she responds how she wants to.

“Damn.” She says, and nothing more. Shaina steps up behind South, close enough to radiate warmth from her smaller, less muscular body. A well-manicured hand runs up the outside of South’s now-wet thigh.

“Before I started dating him, I lived for random encounters in nightclubs and bars. I loved the satisfaction of getting a complete stranger off. I was smart about it, of course, didn’t want to catch anything, but the thrill of it…I miss that.”

“You expect me to tell you to ditch that guy and go fuck around in the galaxy?”

“I don’t need your approval.” Shaina growled into South’s ear, hips pressing forward into her ass. South leaned back into her citrus perfume and hoop earrings, turning to meet her eye.

“Fuck, I was just about to give it. Guess I’ll hold onto that.” South shrugged. “Got something else you might want, though.”

“What’s that?” Shaina asked, and South had her pinned against the wall of the nearest stall before she could even finish her question. She was working at the high-waisted salmon-colored skirt of hers, bunching it around her high waist and taking a place between her legs, which had the stubble of a few days of not shaving on them.

“This.” South said, and ate her out like it was her last supper. Like she’s trying to drink enough non-alcohol to purge her system of it, and the only remaining liquid is in this pussy. She uses nearly every trick in her book, if only to knock this chick’s socks off. Shaina loves it, squirms and moans and begs for more, and she nearly screams when she finally comes.

“Thanks.” She says, wobbling into the nearest stall. “I really needed that.” She gives South her number, under no false pretenses—she knows South won’t call. She doesn’t care. Tomorrow, she is packing up her stuff and heading back home, to the party scene. She thanks South for giving her another trick to use on the next lucky one she gets. South makes sure to get the number down correctly, determined to one day call this girl up and have her return the favor.

 

After her time in freelancer, when she and her brother are on the run, she will, and Shaina will be even better than South at eating out. It will be one of three more times they see each other. All three times will only be for sex, nothing more.

 

When she steps out of that bathroom, Dmitri is drinking water to empty his system. It’s a cruel irony, and the guy is muttering to himself about not wanting to spend his day off hungover and in a fight with Shaina. South resumes her spot next to him and does not tell him where she has just been. He probably knows already, but does not say.

“You know, I have an old family cure for hangovers that actually works.”

“I don’t believe in crap like that.” He mumbles, head on the bar.

“No, seriously. You can trust me, I was in the army once. Always had to be up at the crack of dawn. Having hangovers in the military? That shit gets you kicked out.”

“What’s the cure, then? Don’t say more alcohol, please.”

“No, it’s not that.” She told him. She also told him he’d never make it as good as she could.

“Maybe you could make some for me, then?” he offered.

He wasn’t touchy in the cab ride. Heck, he wasn’t affectionate either. He talked with South, normally. South appreciated it almost as much as she appreciated his beard. It was dyed various shades of green and blue, giving it an ombre effect. He could only be described as beautiful, his features just the slightest touch feminine. South appreciated that as well.

He fucked hard, but not as hard as South had ever been fucked before. He was a decent lover, knew how to move his hips and where to put his hands. He was a typical lover, knew only a few fancy tricks but mostly stuck to the usual positions, no need to get fancy. Really, the only thing mildly interesting about the sex was the fact he kept switching positions and moving around, fucking in every room. South knew why, and said nothing. He could probably taste Shaina still in her mouth, and he said nothing about it. When they finally decided to stop, they said nothing as South got up to pee.

She kept her promise. Stayed overnight when she knew she was overdue. Brewed the Dakota family home cure for hangovers, wearing nothing but her socks and a pair of panties. She remained topless even as Shaina walked in, determined to only get her things and go. South convinced her to have a seat and a cup of hangover cure. Both of the now-exes were too busy checking out her tits to really listen to her little spiel about thinking this over a little. All parties decided it was best if they split up and cut down on contact.

She returns to the MOI six hours after she was meant to. She endures the chewing-out she gets from the Director, but when it is North’s turn to act like a father figure to her, she smiles to herself. He acts like their dad, she realizes. He gives her the lecture she needs, but not the one she wants. She agrees with him, instead of arguing with him. This act alone is enough to knock North back a little, because he’s used to her responding with vile curses fueled by the pure bitterness and angst that flows through her hot-blooded veins.

“Why were you late, anyway?” He finally asks, and South almost giggles. She is excited to see the shock and terror fly across North’s face when she tells him what she has just done.

“I broke up a three-year relationship by sleeping with both halves of a couple. Not at the same time, sadly, but it was worth it.” She shrugs it off, plays it nonchalantly, watches the emotions run through her twin brother’s face.  
She catches a glimpse of pride before he launches into his scolding of her.


End file.
